Overly wordy complaints

Dear Sir/Madam,

Lately I've been thinking about what I enjoy most about getting cabs around Brisbane.

At times I consider it might be the delightful customer service from drivers who gruffly ask "where to" before spending the duration of the trip whispering on a hands free phone kit like some kind of sneaky teenager who's staying up past their bedtime chatting to their best friend.

It might be the glaringly obvious technique of taking backroads or a longer route to ever-so-slightly bump up the fare. I particularly enjoy this when I hire a cab for work purposes and am on a tight timeframe.

I'll admit I enjoy the sassy attitude I receive from a driver who sighs and rolls their eyes when I pay with a note they deem to large for the transaction, though this is probably not in the top three. What cheek I have for attempting to use legal tender to pay for goods or services in Australia.

After Sunday morning, I am convinced my favourite things about your Brisbane cabs are the drivers who refuse fares based on distance.

For prompting this epiphany I must thank the driver of Black and White cab number 465, which I attempted to hire for the 2.1km trip from Fortitude Valley to Teneriffe at 2:30am on Sunday, but was refused.

When I asked why he would not perform a duty which is literally his entire job description, the driver admitted it was because the distance was too short.

He persisted with this refusal even after I informed him that rejecting fares based on distance was illegal.

I suspect this kind of pig-headed, overly-choosy approach to driving is at least partially behind why passengers are increasingly snubbing the taxi industry in favour of the competition Uber.

I was however impressed with his steely determination to secure a fare that was worth the effort of doing his actual job. So impressed, in fact, that I've decided to adopt the mentality in my everyday life.

From now on, I will only be answering my phone at work when I am guaranteed the conversation will be worth my while.

I will not interact with colleagues unless there's something significant in it for me.

I'll be paying my rent yearly because I assume the agent would prefer to only bother with large transactions.

I anticipate exercising will also be much easier as an annual but lengthy outing because clearly doing things in shorter, more frequent bursts is ineffective according to this logic.

I predict my life will be much easier from now on and, just like the driver of car 465, I will be enjoying the fruits of this life-hack in no time at all.

Despite the flippant undertone of this letter, yes I am expecting a response and explanation of the actions you have taken to rectify the problem.

Yours Sincerely,

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