Room for rent: would suit idiot


Remember that feeling of freedom that swept over you on grade four camp, after the teachers had declared lights out, when you and your classmates scoffed snakes, played truth or dare and smoked crack by torchlight? 

On offer is an entire sharehouse bustling with that same childish excitement that comes with knowing your parents aren't watching.

You'll share this responsibility-free wonderland with a mixed bag of misfits and the socially challenged, each boasting their own unique quirks that are amusing and infuriating in equal measure.

The room is big, the walls are thin and it borders onto not one, but two other bedrooms, significantly increasing the chance that you'll be woken by the awkward fumblings of drunk, careless, idiot sex.

The house comes with a stringent dish washing policy of do-it-only-when-you-can-be-bothered ... once a week, once a month, whatever. Feel free to leave your shit around the communal areas, where it will more than likely be used by a drunk random who's helping form the impromptu house party on a week night. Expect those same randoms to burst into your room and angrily slur "this isn't the toilet."

While there are vague noise restriction rules in place, they're more accurately described as guidelines. Something you should loosely adhere to, kind of like not wanking on an aeroplane. You kind of shouldn't play gothic screamo music after a reasonable hour, but if you've got friends to impress, go for it.

If you're the kind of sad loser that enjoys wargaming, you'll fit in well. Before you know it, you'll be holding LAN parties in the bedrooms and fapping off over a sexy WoW character that's probably a sniggering 60 year old man.

Bills are split in four but rarely paid. There's one bathroom and one toilet, the cleaning schedule of which often turns into a standoff of who can endure the filth the longest.

In short, the weirder, the more sociopathic, the more irritating, the more irrational, the more inconsiderate you are ... the more likely you are to fit in.

Apply within.

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