Bastardise your number plates

Are you adopting an irresponsible and selfish approach to driving with the hope people will translate your recklessness as carefree disposition, struggling to think of a more subtle way to broadcast your ridiculously overestimated self importance?

For the bargain price of $2295, you can shamelessly illustrate that self importance and make sure everyone knows the nickname of your rusty shit-heap’s owner.

Granted, some may interpret your decision as a clumsy, overpriced grab at celebrity status, but there’s always the select few who will look at your aphanumeric bastardisation of common spelling and think “wow – they totally have enough disposable income to spend more on their number plates than they did on their car, maybe I should have sex with them.”

And yes, there’s continuing debate about whether the opinion of easily excited, easily impressed and easy-to-bed teens should count for anything [in the world, ever], but don’t let that discourage you from shelling out the two grand.

Now when people see you weaving recklessly through a handful of lanes simultaneously and trying to beat the 5pm crunch, they’ll no longer be thinking “Gee, that asshole sure is inconsiderate,” – they’ll instead be thinking “Gee, that B3CKY asshole sure is inconsiderate.”

Leave a Reply