Be an overly proud ‘strailyan (read: racist)

Whether it be your Southern Cross tattoo, Australian flag boardies or bold bumper sticker statements of “Fuck off – were (sic) full” and “If you don’t like it – then LEAVE,” wearing your national identity on your sleeve with all the pride of a primary school student who’s just won a grammar prize for differentiating between were and we’re is something that you can never quite do enough.

Once a year, there’s a special period towards the end of January when it becomes not only acceptable to display such thinly veiled borderline-racist patriotic hyperbole, it’s normal. Take the opportunity to roll around in it with the same joy you’d see from a dog rolling around in a tasty rotting carcass.

It’s a time when every red-blooded ‘strailyan experiences that fuzzy feeling and your heart beats a little faster as you hear the echoes of a national anthem whose words you can only manage to vaguely mime. The closing verses trigger an overflow of water in the lower eyelid, an unfamiliar sensation you’ve heard others refer to as a tear, but on this occasion it’s safe to quickly wipe it away and take another swig of your VB before you’re labelled a poofta.

From time to time, you may come across someone who has the audacity to draw the connection between your love for your country and your barely disguised hatred for anyone who doesn’t share your nationality. Indeed, the line between blind patriotism and racism is a thin one, but if someone does happen to call you a racist, it’s easy enough to to scoff at their blatant lack of Aussie pride and fall back on that great bumper sticker line, “if you don’t love it, fuck off.”

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